Have you ever had that strange feeling in your body when something’s just not right with someone. You know, when you don't feel comfortable with the energy they give off? Even to the point when you would rather avoid their presence altogether?  Our bodies signal to us when we are in a state of unease. That is one of the key ways you know that someone has crossed your boundaries. You feel fear, anger, fatigue, dread, or anxiety. The fight, freeze, or flight response in your body is triggered. When you decide to ignore your body's signals, the body starts to internalize the feelings. They become a learned reseponse every time you face that situation.

Sometimes our minds rationalize our decision to ignore what our body is telling us. Why?

• It is what is expected of you
• Your belief system calls for it

• The power dynamic convinces you that you have no choice

Social pressure to conform- We are social beings and belonging is an important part of our survival system. Sometimes though we ignore or minimize what our body is telling us because of the social pressure to fall in line, even if it is not in our best interest. This could be the case in a toxic work or home environment or in less drastic circumstances. We calculate that it is not worth it to take a stand or to leave the situation so we put up with it. Unless we create effective coping skills and feel safe, however, the cognitive dissonance can have an adverse impact on our wellbeing.

Belief system normalizes the situation- Similarly, our cultural or religious values may impact our response to the signals that our boundaries are being crossed. This can make it hard to move past negative influences and set them. I explore this issue a bit in an earlier blog article, 5 Tips to Worry Less About What Other People Think of You. 

Power imbalances lead to acquiescence- In addition, power dynamics can also impact how we do or do not set boundaries at home or at work. This imbalance can cause the mind to override the intuitive instinct to set them. In these circumstances you may conclude that you have no choice but to go along to get along. It is important, of course, to know when you are in an abusive or dangerous situation and the impact your tolerance has on you, your loved ones, or if at work, your colleagues and those who report to you. 

Setting healthy boundaries is powerful.

Setting boundaries that override social pressure, belief systems that no longer fit your values, and power imbalances, leads to a more harmonious life. It is much easier to stick to and enforce them based in truth. 

None of this is easy and it takes time and consistent practice. And there are some situations you are not going to be able to change, at least not on your own. But as you set boundaries, start to notice how you begin to feel internally and whether you notice a sense of confidence that did not exist before.

My new bundle of meditations, coaching audios, and other resources are designed to empower you as a leader. You will be able to download this bundle of audio recordings into the app of your choice. Learn more about the bundle here.  

Setting boundaries at home and at work is an important skill for all of us to cultivate. I invite you to access a free Setting Boundaries Worksheet and Video.